You Both Already Are and Never Will Be....

I love paradoxes.

I love the momentary confusion of seeing two apparently contradictory statements. The pause in daily life as your eyes narrow at the sentence and you wonder, "how can that be?" Take, for instance, this sentence:

You both already are and never will be a Neo-Aristocrat.

By our rules of grammar, this sentence is nonsensical. How can someone both be and never be something? This violates our sense of time, of being, of reality. Yet, these senses of ourselves exist only in language and the paradox exploits the limitations of our understanding.

I love paradoxes most for this reason.  Not only do they lead us to a deeper understanding of the world when we resolve them, but they also remind us of the limitations of our language. And that is a trap we all fall into too often.

What is meant by the above paradox?

Neo-Aristocracy is not a set point, it is a process. It isn't a state of being, but a way of being. It is the ideal that is always out of reach, but in the process of striving anyways, we reach it. We live in a world of cycles upon cycles upon cycles. Things are always, constantly changing around us and we must continue to adapt to them. There will always be new things to learn, new revelations to have, new bests to achieve. You will never reach the form of the Neo-Aristocrat, but reaching the goal is less important than the reaching itself.

Focusing on the process is not as comforting as being able to fulfill a list of requirements necessary to reach the perfect state. There is a great deal of assurance that comes from the idea that you have arrived, no longer have to strive, can bask in your completion. But that is not how reality work. What Neo-Aristocratism lacks in comfort it makes up for in freedom and reality.

Do you have any paradoxes in your life?

First Principles of a Neo-Aristocrat

Neo-Aristocracy is a highly individualized aesthetic and alternative lifestyle. After all, a person's best is a personal determination. However, we do not live in a vacuum. The laws of the universe do govern- even if the more superfluous laws of society can be ignored. Therefore, there are some first principles which anyone embarking on the path of Neo-Aristocracy should embrace. For sake of mnemonics, I've categorized them under three key words: sustainable, attainable, and benevolent.

Sustainable:

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines sustainable as:  of, relating to, or being a method of harvesting or using a resource so that the resource is not depleted or permanently damaged.  Sustainability is increasingly becoming a key word and will become even more prevalent in the future. As we realize that we do not live on a planet with infinite resources, we are going to need to stop acting like we do. Sustainable practices are a recognition of the cycles and laws of nature and attempting to use those to benefit ourselves in the long term rather than ignore them and reap short term gain. 

A Neo-Aristocrat applies this principle to different levels of her life. On a global level, she realizes that the earth is indeed finite and strives to do as little damage to the environment as possible. Buying second hand, reducing carbon footprints, buying local, reusing, reducing, and recycling- all the catch phrases that have become so popular in the past years- she knows are possible to embody without sacrificing a luxurious, decadent life. 

On a personal level, as much as a Neo-Aristocrat might like to spend her entire bank account on good stationary, beautiful clothes and interesting books- she knows that the future must be considered first. Buy champagne or next weeks groceries? There is a hierarchy of needs (though it may be unconventional) and since the Neo-Aristocrat is life affirming, starvation isn't a choice.

Sustainability, in short, is the ability to weigh the tradeoffs today for the benefits in the future.  A Neo-Aristocrat is able to look into the far future of generations to come, the middle future of the course of her own life, and the near future of the next few years, months or days and balance her goals and luxuries with the concerns of time. 

Attainability 

All our lives, we are told "You can do anything you want if you put your mind to it!" or "Reach for the stars. Be whatever you want to be." Encouragement of children's passions is a necessary step for their growth, but over encouragement can lead to unrealistic expectations. 

When we were children, we dreamed of being astronauts, presidents, prima ballerina's. But there comes a time when it is necessary to wake up and say "I am 23 years old. Based on the choices I have made up until this point, I am not going to be the president of the United States or a ballerina or an astronaut." It is hard to admit- very, very hard- that our potential isn't infinite and that it is better to stop wishing for things so far beyond our reach. A person in a position that exceeds their ability is even worse than someone whose potential isn't being fully utilized. 

A Neo-Aristocrat has the self awareness, the clear sight, and the courage to take a breath and say "This is who I am. That is not what I will or can become. Instead, I will focus on becoming the best that I am able to be. Not the best as the world decrees." Because there is a difference between doing your absolute best and being the absolute best. The first we have control over. The second we don't.

Attainability is applied not only to our careers  even if that is how it is most commonly found- but also to our possessions and lifestyles. A Neo-Aristocrat must be able to come to terms with the fact that she will not have a sprawling mansion in France, a wardrobe commissioned by the best seamstresses in the world, time to lounge about the house or devote herself to studies or pleasure, and every little thing that she dreams about. 

This principle probably deserves another post, because there is a difference between being realistic and settling. Realistic desires balances between the unhappiness of never achieving your grand dreams and the resentment of betraying your potential to have something lesser.

Benevolence

 A Neo-Aristocrat knows that if the pursuit of their desire brings too much harm into the world, then the desire should be reconsidered. Benevolence has no set laws because there are times when your actions will cause pain to another, but both the action and pain are necessary- such as getting a job that your co-worker didn't. But there are some actions, such as toying with another's emotions to reach your ends, which are unacceptable. 

Benevolence is the most outward looking of these qualities. It is the principle which sets the Neo-Aristocrat in society. No one can pursue their desires heedless of how those desires affect others. Benevolence is the art of making sure you aren't destroying more relationships and benefit than you gain from your desire. On the other hand, Benevolence is also the ability to help others with their path towards their best as well.

As a  Neo-Aristocrat works towards her best in life, she must keep these principles in mind so as not to forget her connections and relations to the rest of the world. She does not exist outside of reality, outside of herself, or outside of society. Whatever best she decides to pursue can not ignore these factors. Beyond that, she is open to be everything she can.

What's in a Name?

Over the past few years, I've talked to a few people, both on and off the internet, about my aesthetic, the Neo-Aristocrat. Invariably, the first response is something of distaste or confusion. When pressed further, the explanation usually runs along the  lines of "the aristocracy oppressed people for hundreds of years. They are a small elite. Why would you want to associate yourself with something hierarchical and prejudice?" 

It is impossible to deny that the historical term of 'aristocrat' has baggage associated with it. For centuries, the upper classes treated lower classes as chattel or less while monopolizing the money, leisure, education and culture. However, if we could step back from the historical connotations and consider the etymology of the word.

Aristocrat is the pairing of two greek words: "aristos" or the best and the suffix "-cracy" which meant to rule. Literally, translated it means to be ruled by the best. In a country, this translates into power, money and influence being centralized in the hands of  a small group of elites. Democracy was supposed to counteract the ills of the prior centuries, but if you have doubts about how well the American experiment in democracy is working, I urge you to read Christopher Hayes "Twilight of the Elites: America After Meritocracy."

What I am doing with this blog and my own idea of Neo-Aristocrat is applying the idea of "the rule of the best" not to a country, but to my own individual life. What does this mean? That is a work in progress that will never fully be answered. As I grow older and accumulate new experiences, education, and wisdom, my idea of what is best will undoubtedly shift. Will it, at times, mirror aesthetics and philosophies of other alternative lifestyles or even the mainstream? Probably. But I am a unique individual and deserve a tailor made life and philosophy, just like anyone else. (This is one of the beautiful things about uniqueness. Everyone can be unique without losing their uniqueness- whatever cynical quips might declare.)

Since Neo-Aristocracy is applying the rule of the best to your own life and since best is not a set standard but differs from individual to individual, there is no limit to the number of people who could become Neo-Aristocrats. I would frankly love it if everyone did become one, because Neo- Aristocracy isn't about being better than others- only better than your past selves. 

But questions about discovering what is best for you and other qualities of a neo aristocrat will have to be saved for another discussion. 

A Responding Manifesto

My previous post about the necessity of refocusing on my aesthetic, drew a comment from Nadja Sands of La Domna. If you haven't had a chance to take a look at her blog, I highly recommend it. She is an excellent writer but her main, amazing skill is in writing some of the most evocative and gorgeous descriptions of perfumes that I have ever read. My nose is terrible, but reading over her descriptions of, say, Midnight Gypsy Alchemy scents made me want to go out and buy a collection myself.

Now, her comment (bolding mine):

I don't focus very much on creating a cohesive aesthetic in my style.... I don't want to have a set of rules, self imposed or not, to follow... that would just kill my joy and creativity! My only guideline is to wear only what feels good and feels "me". This method has actually led me to have quite a cohesive personal style, but one that doesn't fit into any single mainstream aesthetic (but drawing inpiration from many). I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I like a particular aesthetic, or parts of one, I can always find a way to make it mine and part of my personal aesthetic! I feel no need to classify my style, put a name on it or impose rules...

First, this comment really show cases an alternative method of pursuing one's aesthetic than mine- a method that may be more common in the community. Which is great. Different people have different methods for choosing their aesthetics just as they have different aesthetics in general. For me, I like overthinking things. Finding rules, laws and patterns in my life is a source of entertainment and learning, even if I know the laws won't stay in place for more than a week. But, not everyone spends as much time up in their heads, and it is great to be reminded of that.

But what really struck my attention was the line that was highlighted above: my only guideline is to wear only what feels good and feels "me". 

I don't have a "me." Oh, there are some broad generalizations: strong introvert, cerebral (see above or this blog), etc. But for a me? A me that I can look or wear an outfit or a piece of clothing and say "ah, this is me?" I don't have that.

Part of my personality is that I am very, very easily influenced by external stimuli. In psychological terms, I'm highly sensitive  If you were a hypnotist on stage, you'd want to pick me out of the audience. The books I read, the music I listen to, the clothes I wear all have distinct and noticeable effects on my personality and actions.  

For example, the longer a skirt I wear, the more quiet and mature I feel. Cardigans make me feel tired and dumpy. Wearing my vest makes me more more put together. High heels mean that I stop to smell the roses and am more outgoing. Wearing all black, makes me feel more dramatic and melancholic. More rugged, outdoors clothes, really do make me more adventuresome. Etc. These aren't the most original changes to happen depending on the clothes I have nor have I learned all of the changes that can occur. However, the change can be striking.

As with everything, there is both good and bad in every character trait. My extreme impressionability is unfortunate because I don't have that core of personality and strength to draw on. I can't look at a dress, a job, a potential friend, an activity, and think "this is right for me." It has always been, "let me be right for them." The problems that relate from this are  numerous and don't need to be entered into at this point.

However, there are strengths. Imagination and flexibility are important qualities. I can empathize very highly with someone if I take the time to stop and think (another reason I don't read the news). But most importantly, with enough foresight  I can stop and make conscious decisions about how I want to act and feel in a certain situation and then take steps to deliberately alter my mood to reflect that. This deliberate alteration is becoming a theme of this blog.

Neo-Aristocracy is, for me, my attempt to create an aesthetic and lifestyle that is the ideal lifestyle for this world. The parameters of that are always changing, but five important characteristics of a neo-aristocrat are: capable, life affirming, seeing and living in the real world, finding and cultivating beauty in your world, and practicing these qualities daily. 

Given those qualities that I want to practice and thus embody, I can make conscious choices about my wardrobe to make me feel and act like a Neo-Aristocrat every day. Right now, my closet holds a lot of options that don't make me feel capable or beautiful or are coherent with my aesthetic. But lacking a strong inner compass for just wearing what is me, I need a set of guidelines and rules to help me develop a self. 

This has been a really interesting enunciation of my dedication to Neo-Aristocracy. It's clear that I'm going to need to go back and re-examine my application of this to my life. Thank you, Ms. Sand for prompting this!

Now, this blog is dedicated to my aesthetic, but also my method of coming to terms with this aesthetic. I would love to hear and discuss your methods for creating a coherent aesthetic, discovering what you like and why you like it and even if you think these questions are important.

A Chance to Refocus

Developing your own aesthetic is difficult.  Even if we restrict ourselves to considerations of only dress and fashion- it is difficult to create your own, integrated, authentic aesthetic.

What I mean by integrated is this:

Mori Girl Dress Found Here

50's inspired dress

I genuinely like both of these dresses. I could see myself wearing and enjoying both styles. Yet they are both wildly different from each other and neither is Neo-Aristocrat- the aesthetic I am trying to cultivate. How, then, do you stick to cultivating your own style and not be led into different aesthetics by different passions and interests?

With my top three mainstream aesthetics, there are certain rules to the fashion which can help even if they are not iron clad and often broken. With goth, black and certain motifs can easily identify a gothic dress from others (no matter what sub genre). Steampunk has the same color guidelines- sepias- but also the Victorian influence and the presence of technologically whimsical accessories. Lolita, the most fashion defined aesthetic, has the clearest guidelines- a specific, distinct silhouette, specific embellishments, specific brands.

Naturally, none of these laws are iron tight or never broken. I have seen white goth outfits, chinese steampunk and punk lolita (which I'll be honest- I don't get.) But even these outfits which deviate from the norm at least have the norm from which to deviate. When you are creating your own aesthetic, there are no guidelines but the ones you impose on yourself.

Now, I as I am glancing through my closet- I am not seeing much coherence anymore. Maybe I've lost sight of the Neo-Aristocratic aesthetic. Maybe it was too vague to begin with. Maybe the heat and humidity of the summer has just made me not care. Either way, I am tired of looking in my closet and not having a good idea of what I am wearing.

This is, unfortunately, not a complete overhaul of my closet. Grad school budgets don't allow for that, but it is time that I set down my own guide lines for Neo-Aristocracy. I will also be trying to focus a little more on the Neo-Aristocrat Aesthetic rather than just documenting my life.

What are your guidelines for what you wear?

Thoughts on Roadtrips

For the fourth of July, I went on the quintessential road trip with friends to visit my family on the other side of the country. Each trip took about three days of at least 13 hours of driving a day. Thank god a life in grad school prepared me for sitting for most of the day and thank all the gods that we got along well. Naturally, I began thinking about things that I would do differently or learned during my travels. Here are a handful of random thoughts and suggestions I have about road trips:

~ Give yourself more time. 13 hours may seem manageable, but remember that it takes about an hour to get a meal (and you will want to get out of the car to eat, trust me.) So you're looking at about 15 hours of travel all day. That doesn't leave much time to coo over scenic passes, stop at random museums, go explore caverns, or do the typical adventures one expects from a Road trip. If I were doing this again, I would drive a maximum of six or seven hours a day and do a bit of research of fun places to stop.

~ Don't have expectations. I thought that we would stop at funky, bizarre places and have lots of adventures and stories to tell. I thought I would have plenty of time to study while the other two were driving. I thought 13 hours wasn't such a long time. All of these were wrong. 13 hours is long- too long to have those sorts of adventures, too long to do much more than sleep in the back when I was finished. Studying was unfinished and we mostly saw interstates. I wish I had known better and not given myself these expectations going in so I didn't feel disappointed when the road trip finished.

~ Interstates, especially through the midwest, are deadly boring.  Try to take scenic routes even if they add more time (see first suggestion). You'll see more interesting signs too because most of the stops and billbords along the interstate are appealing to truckers (there are  A LOT of truckers) rather than roadtrippers.

~ Camping is cool and inexpensive. But bring tarps for your tents. Our best night was camping out on this random little river behind a cornfield in Missouri. We made a fire, collected frogs, chased after fireflies (this was the first time I had seen them) and went for midnight walks were disturbingly nice people in pick up trucks pulled over and asked if we were alright. (sorry, the east coast has rubbed off on me. Not used to friendly strangers). Sure there are no beds, showers or, often times, electricity, but the memories are better.

~ Choose non-chain restaurants. One of the best stories we have is pulling into a tiny town where their restaurant (the star street diner) doubled as their town hall. The entire town of about seven looked up as we stepped in and asked if the kitchen was open. Oh, the food wasn't good. But we played pool (first time for that too!) and were more or less kicked out at 8:30 when it closed.

~ Drive through the little towns. Not only is that where you will find the little shops and diners, but you can really see a side of America that I, having only ever lived on one of the coasts, haven't seen. The Great Recession doesn't touch my life. But driving through town after town where most of the main streets were empty store fronts and only strip clubs, liquor stores, groceries and hardware remained? It really brought home how hopeless people are feeling and how desperate they are for change. This was the most eye opening revelation for me.

~ Make sure your companions are a good fit for a road trip. They must first get along. Second, be able to drive long stretches. Third,  have similar taste in music (on that note, bring A LOT of music with you. In many different play lists. Also books on tape.) They should be aware of the rules of driving (shot gun needs to entertain the driver.) and be able to have conversations that don't devolve into arguments or disagreements.

~ Know yourself  (the constant theme of this blog). If you are an introvert, ten days of constant exposure to even your best and dearest friends will leave you socially worn out and depressed. Just be aware of this and have some contingency plans.

Have you been on road trips? What did you learn about them?

A Parable of Nutriton

What thanksgiving feasts probably should consist of.

Once upon a time there was a young girl who wanted to be healthy. She knew that the first step towards a healthy life was a healthy diet so she went to her local food guru and asked what to do. The guru listened to her diet, which was typical of a college student, and told her "Eat more fruits and vegetables." So, she stocked up on apples and lettuce and bananas and all was good.

A little while later, she went back to the food guru and said "Alright, I am eating fruits and vegetables with every meal. Will I be healthy?" The food guru shook his head. "No, my child." he said. "For you are eating foods sprayed with deadly chemicals. You must eat organic foods to be safe." So the girl threw out the typical food and stocked up on organic fruits and vegetables. For added measure, she began only eating organic bread, cookies, icecream and snacks too.

Having eaten more plants than a rabbit, she returned to the food guru and said: "Alright, my house is totally organic. I buy organic dishwasher, organic salsa, organic cookies- everything is 100% organic. Will I be healthy?" The food guru shook his head. "No my child," he said, "Even though those food are organic, they are still processed and full of chemicals and other contaminants from factories.  Eat close to the food source. As raw and natural as possible." So she went back and threw out all her peanut butter, processed foods, frozen organic pizza's and bought natural.

After eating like this, she went back to the food guru and said "I'm eating organic, natural ingredients. I cook with only whole foods. I make my own pizza and cookies from only the most natural of products. Will I be healthy?" The food guru shook his head. "Not yet, my child." he said. "For you are eating foods that were grown in far off fields on factory farms- organic or not. The shipping pollutes the air and destroys the nutrient value of the food. No, you must eat local food grown in the surrounding area." So the girl looked up farmers markets, local farms and began buying as close to her home as possible. She was lucky she lived in an area that had such access to farms all around.

After restocking her house, she went back to the food guru and said "I am friends with my local farmers, I know the name of the turkey I will eat for thanks giving, I am a regular member of the farmers market. I'm learning to eat in the seasons. Will I be healthy now?" But the food guru shook his head. "Not yet, my child." He said. "Food today is far less nutritious than food was fifty years ago. The soil is depleted. Even local organic food doesn't offer the same nutritional value as it should for the stressful life you lead. You must take supplements." And so the girl went home, researched vitamins and supplements and developed a complicated but thorough plan to stay healthy.

After taking 11 different pills and supplements that morning, the girl marched back to the food guru and proclaimed. "I eat fruits and vegetables from local, organic farms. I make all my food myself. I have a complicated number of pills and tablets to take each week." She brandished the schedule she made for herself. "Most of my time is spent either buying, preparing or cooking food. Am I healthy yet?" The food guru leaned forward, looked over her schedule and menu plan, and then shook his head.

"What!" exclaimed the girl. "What else could their possibly be?"

"Your diet is too regular," said the food guru. "Food insensitivity springs from too much of the same food. You must vary your ingredient intake or risk developing an insensitivity."

"Ok," said the girl. "But if I do that, will I be healthy?" The food guru shook his head.

"Oh no. Because you are also eating too regularity.  You must have time to fast and let your body purge itself of accumulated toxins and build up. And after that you must start considering food that is good for your blood type, that is not too acidic, that has the right thermal temperatures. You must investigate whether it is a paleo diet or a vegan one that is best for you. You must keep up to date on the new algeas and seaweeds that will prevent cancer. You must be soaking your grain before eating it. You should be milling your flour, growing your own food, foraging for your own food in the wilderness-"

But as the list of eating requirements grew, disgust and despair filled the girl's heart. She had done so much and it was all for naught. Shaking her head, she left the food guru's sanctuary, went to a fast food chain and ordered one of everything on the menu.

Moral of the story:

There will ALWAYS be something more to do to improve your diet. You will never reach the most perfect, healthiest diet no matter how many books you read, seminars you attend, and nutritionists you visit. There is just too much we don't understand about the digestive system and too much conflicting and directly contradicting data in the world.

But just because perfection is unobtainable, does not mean we should give up like the girl and regress back to fast food. Each step we take along the path to perfect eating does help, does improve our lives and health, does help the planet a small bit even if we acknowledge it is not the panacea.

What do you eat to be healthy?