Remaking an Aristocrat's Closet: Lessons from Rarity

Yes, that Rarity.

Like many of my generation, I am a fan of My Little Pony. I like the expansion in variety of female archetypes for girls. I approve of the lessons of the show for the most part. I appreciate the integrity of the aesthetic. It is a fun, pretty show with a good host of characters and a great thing to watch before bed.

Rarity is, by far, my favorite. Does that really come as a surprise to anyone? She is elegant, passionate, intelligent and mature. It is possible, she proves, to possess both femininity and strength. She also represents the element of generosity.

The more I think on elegance and nobility, which I do think Rarity possesses, the more accurate her element appears. Elegance is inherently generous. It operates from a position of abundance because a mark of beauty is that it is enough. Beauty exists when nothing else can be removed.

Generosity is a quality that I with which I.... could use some improvement. I have a tendency to hoard on the chance of a "what if." I like to accumulate clothing, books, pretty trinkets and then guard them jealously. Even if I don't use them. Even if they just sit there collecting dust. At least I know they are there.

The things I have, I don't like to share. Not snacks. Not books. God forbid you want to borrow some clothes. But more than my things, I am jealous of my time and energy. There are several times I fall into the unfortunate mindset that everyone else is out to drain my precious minutes of alone down time which I hoard with all the powers of my Introvertedness to.... read webcomics? But that is a discussion for another day.

The mental shift I am trying to engender with Rarity's lessons of generosity is this: the clothes which are sitting in my closet and being admired but not worn could be used instead to make someone else very happy.

Now, to satisfy the Randian in me which is balking at that statement, this is not to say that I should give away my favorite pieces that I do wear just because they might make someone happy. Rather those pieces which have the right color, but not the right cut; have the right style but don't quite fit; have more sentimental value than use; that might be used one day for a cosplay of something- those are the pieces which need to move on.

And they are the hard ones to move on- because they are the just ifs. If I just lose a little weight. If I just find the right skirt. If I just remembered it existed. They have sentimental value. They have aesthetic value. But they are still taking up valuable space in your closet.

I just cleared out two paper bags worth of such items and I have to keep myself from going back to them and hanging the items up- because of those just ifs. But I look in my closet and it feels healthier without the dead weight. Looks slimmer and fuller of potential. And yet I want to go hang up that Lolita shirt (I decided that it would be easier to thrift the shirts) or the silk shirt from Thailand that is wrong color and has slits up to my bra straps but that my mum bought for me years ago.

So rather than thinking of these clothes as a loss from my life, I am trying to think of them as a gift into other people's lives.

It's helping a little.

Remaking an Aristocrats Closet: Goodbye Lolita

Ever since the beginning, Lolita has been one of my inspirations for creating the Neo-Aristocrat look.  I fell in love with the strange silhouette, the delicate details, the care and attention of the enthusiasts, and the general aesthetic. It was so different than what I had experienced before. Petticoats, ruffles, learning the difference between a OP and a JSK and a cutsew. Learning to identify favorite style, favorite brands and then- the purchase of my first dress. It was a Lolita Blog that inspired me to begin blogging. Lolita is the only alternative aesthetic I've actually purchased clothing from.

And yet, it is time to say goodbye. 

This is not to say that I shall shun Lolita. Delete all my lolita bloggers. Or even keep from looking at various brands for their new designs. Because the aesthetic is still immensely appealing. 

Just not for me anymore. 

One of the hallmarks of Lolita is the delicacy of the outfits and, by extension the maidens who wear it. When I look at the outfits, I am filled with admiration, but also a sense of ungainliness. I'm a relatively short person, but when I consider Lolita I feel too tall and lumbering. Like I wouldn't know what to do with my hands, the ruffles, the frills and lace. The clothing, even classic, just seems young and suited for a lifestyle I don't share. 

And frankly, that's not what you want out of a style. Even one as beautiful and appealing as Lolita. Fashion should make you feel elegant and confident. It should bring out your best qualities, not make you feel lesser. For some people, Lolita does this. For me, it doesn't. Since I am now in a place where I want to start defining my style- being able to cross of Lolita from my list is a relief rather than sad. 

Currently, I have two lolita blouses, two lolita dresses and a petticoat. I'm not sure what to do with them since they reside in the part of the closet that I adore but never wear. Perhaps I'll see if I can sell them or try to incorporate them into my new wardrobe. If not, maybe they can inspire some other girl in a thrift shop. 

It feels like the end of an era, but also good. I can now cross off a particular aesthetic from my list rather than leave it open as a possibility. Hopefully, as I do this, I'll slowly whittle down my vast interests into something that is genuinely me. 

Remaking an Aristocrats Closet: Introduction

Dear readers, I have a confession to make: my closet is a mess.

Not your normal mess. Not a mess that can be fixed by a few more hangers or better arranged shoes. No. The mess that my closet is is far, far deeper.  An utterly flawed, unmatched, disconnected, chaotic mess that leaves me wondering how so many nice clothes can lead to so few good outfits. Perhaps you know the feeling.

How did this happen?

My philosophy for clothing has always been: if I like it, I buy it. Does it matter that it isn't quite the right fit? No! I'll tailor it in my copious spare time. Does it matter that I don't attend enough black tie events to warrant another party dress? No! It's pretty! Does it matter that this top matches none of my skirts or pants? Absolutely not! I'll just find something for it later.  After all, it's thrifted, of natural fibers, and I like it. What other requirements does my closet need?

A lot apparently. Because if you follow this philosophy, what do you have?

10 of 15 skirts that just need to be taken in a bit at the waist or hemmed just a tad or are being saved for a special steampunk occasion. A fraction of shirts that I feel comfortable wearing to class because the rest are too frilly, too fancy, too brown for my black skirts,  or too bright to wear. A beautiful collection of high heel shoes- except I only ever walk or bike 1.5 miles to school and you can't do that in heels. An extensive array of lacy bras and mismatched underwear- and none of them neutral colored. A dozen various necklaces, bracelets and rings which don't quite go with anything. A box of headbands, bows, and flowers which are collecting dust. Five hats which don't match my coats. Seven various coats of which I wear two. Six pairs of gloves and I wear none of them. And no basics.

See the problem? Really, the only thing I've done right is have a single pair of jeans.

My closet isn't full of junk. The clothes are made of good material, are high quality. Nothing from Forever 21, H&M, or other cheap manufacturers. I genuinely like everything I have in my closet and thought that personal preference would be enough to create a cohesive wardrobe.

It isn't. Not even close.

If you've been reading my blog, you'll know by now that I find fashion to be essential to defining our aesthetic and, thus, who we are. As I am at a crossroads in my life, it is time to really take stock of who I am and who I want to be. What better way to help me on my journey than by remaking my closet into a real wardrobe?

What is a wardrobe?

A collection of clothes, shoes and accessories that display a cohesive, integrated whole. Everything matches. Nothing exists for that far off someday. The pieces are well made, of high quality, and fit beautifully. They reflect my personal style but fit my actual lifestyle. Every peice makes me feel elegant, beautiful and well dressed- even if I just grabbed what I could in five minutes.

This is going to be a long project. Especially since I'm going to try to thrift or make as many of the items as possible. I don't want to throw out everything and begin again, but rather learn how to weed out the things that don't fit and to create a beautiful collection.

As a guide for this journey, I've chosen Into Mind's 10 Step Wardrobe Revamp. I just found her this past week and have been devouring her website for inspiration. If you like this blog, you'll probably like hers. She has a wildly different aesthetic, but I really appreciate the thought and care she put into writing out each of the steps.

Hopefully this will be a fun journey, so expect a greater increase in fashion posts.

Long Distance Relationships

In short, don't.

If you are not in a hurry, here is the longer version:

The Law Student and myself attended the same undergrad, and many of the same classes, together. It was a rare day that we did not see each other. However, our choices for grad school drew us to opposite poles of the country. We both wanted the best possible schooling, since we both valued education so. My best school was up North and, even though he was accepted into schools in the same city, his best school was in the South where he eventually was accepted and attended.

I do not know if this was a mistake. It is impossible to know or guess how things might have unfolded had we been together. Which is better: the personal development the pain of being on my own in a strange city forced or the sweet joys of companionship and stability?

But I do know that the distance contributed to the sudden shattering of my relationship.

It was a ten hour bus ride between our cities and we were both full time, busy students. Seeing each other for a week became nothing short of a miracle as we usually had to fit our reunion of a month at a time into the space of two- three days.  Sometimes it seemed easier to just to not see him, rather than say goodbye again. There were so many times that I made the long treck back to my house, fighting back tears.

During our times apart, we talked on the phone or on the computer, but when our days were focused on learning the very nuances of two very different professions, there was precious little common ground to fall back on. After all, we hadn't the day to day experiences to discuss and we hadn't the energy or time to discuss the arts or philosophies we both enjoyed. Our conversations revolved around old memories and plans for the future. They ended quickly and lacked a certain spark.

It became easier when we did see each other to share media, rather than talk. We nocticed that it took time to warm up and become used to eachother and it was harder the longer we were apart. Also, the weekends were our precious down time for both of us. We were both introverts. At the end of the week, there wasn't quite the energy or drive to go out and explore. So we played computer games. I have seen most all of Star Trek: Voyager and Star Trek: Deep Space 9 in the course of a handful of weekends and breaks this past year.  We weren't making new memories. The Law Student, already a devoted Trekie, wasn't even seeing anything new.

Of course, in our own personal lives, we were continuing to develop and evolve. School, new locations, meeting new people- these are were forcing us to change. Only, we were no longer meeting the same people, reading the same books, going to the same places. Instead, we were developing in different directions under different influences in such subtle ways that- for all our introspection- we didn't discuss. After all, there were no discussions over dinner or in bed to bring us up on those fleeting revelations of the day.

As a final flourish to these dilemmas, we didn't have a good method to discuss our personal problems for as good at discussion as we were. Our fights in five years could be counted on three fingers and were a such a strange and alien discussion that any anthropologist would be confused.  We discussed the thoughts of the mind and, not speaking for him, I never wanted to discuss my fears and confusions with him for fear of not being rational enough.

Retrospect ties up experiences into neat lessons and reveals flaws indiscernible in the moment. But I can't say that I didn't have some worries about these problems. There were a handful of times I tried to address them and was met with incredulity. Or else fixes were tried but never maintained and we fell back on the same habits. It's only now that I realize how toxic those little worries were.

But the problem is, I don't know what we could have done to prevent these. The circumstances (our Introvertedness, school, the long distance, etc) couldn't be changed. Or else, if they were changed, it would be incredibly drastic: moving schools, the time and money to visit every other weekend, forcing past our exhaustion to go do "things," etc. As with environmental change, drastic steps seem out of proportion until a disaster.

These are problems that I think would plague most long distance relationships, even if the circumstances aren't exactly like ours. However, if you are in or are thinking about being in, these are a few of my thoughts:

~ When you are together, make an effort to make memories. Plan ahead for dinners, hikes, events or whatever interests you share. Make each meeting cherished and a building block to being closer. Don't rely on memories or future plans to keep you going.

~ Be of a less impressionable age. I know the threshold for the end of adolescence keeps being pushed further and further back, but make sure both you and your significant other are done with the major life defining shifts before you part. I think this is just age, but it might be experience. This way, you won't change too drastically while you're apart.

~ Find something you could do together that is new and exciting for you both. A common ground that you can discuss and explore together. Maybe its a book, maybe its a new activity. But you need something to discuss and share in common.

~ Make every effort as possible to see each other. Yes, it might mean missing out on some opportunities in your current situation, but its worth it for the relationship.

~ Be honest about your feelings and try to talk about them as much as possible.

~ Finally, and most importantly, when you are separated- don't look at other people. Don't entertain thoughts of them. Don't try to get to know them better if you are interested. It's not fair for anyone involved.

I wouldn't do a long distance relationship again. Ever. Much less for three years. I'd much rather relocate or not go than have the pain of being apart for all that time. Because, and I might have glossed over this, but these relationships hurt. It's lonely, miserable and fraught with problems.

This is an example of the more personal posts I may sometimes be indulging in. It really does help with retrospection now, even if I go back to delete it later.

Une Petite Pensee: Books in Bags

Victorian Clutch Found Here

Now possessing a bag that can hold more than a wallet and a phone, I have the delightful option to carry books and notebooks with me where ever I go. When putting books in bags, put them spine facing up. Small items are less likely to be lost in the pages or the pages themselves to be crushed.

On Journaling

I've been journaling since I was 13. Over the last ten years, I've filled up six journals of varying thickness and with varying consistency. Or rather, startlingly regular inconsistency. I'll start, write every day for about two weeks and then forget about the journal for two months.

Still, even though my consistency leaves much to be desired (yet one more point for blogging: there is that slight pressure to keep writing) when I do journal I reap wonderful benefit. Really, I count as journalling any time you put pen to paper to help sort out the tangle of your mental confusion. Thus, your journal need not be concentrated in one book (though it is convenient). I probably have three times the amount of writing found in my bound journals spread out over moleskins, school note books, random scraps of paper, backs of receipts.

But I really think the value of journaling is less in having a perfect record of your past years and more for the insight it allows the workings of your mind. My mind scatters and scrambles and flits from point to point like a berserk butterfly. I can't sit down and really think through an issue. But when a pen is forcing me to focus my thoughts, I can reach much deeper levels of comprehension because I don't get distracted by my nails, or what I'll wear tomorrow, or how so-and-so brushed me off, etc. Conclusions I couldn't have reached on my own can be found in journaling. And, if you're more consistent than me, trends longer than the memory can hold can be found. Reading back through past entries over the years, I realized that there was a certain two week period in the fall when I felt horribly down, depressed and exhausted. Now, rather than assuming this was because of classes or relationships, I know that it is just something that happens.

In short, you should journal. Journaling is good. Allows yourself insight. Lets you vent some emotion on paper. Gives you a record to look back on. And here are some tips I've found for journaling:

~ Don't assume that you need an hour. You can get through a lot in ten minutes- or even five. Take a bit each night before bed if you can.

~ Don't write for an audience. Swear. Say bad things about other people. Give vent for your true feelings. Don't worry about your future self reading it or how it will look to historians. This is about you. Right now.

~ Write what is on your mind and in your heart right then. Too often I feel compelled to catch myself up to how I'm feeling and spend a page describing all the past events. When I finally do get to the point I really want to journal, I'm bored of it. So skip the context and the pretext- just write what is on your mind.

~ Journal dreams when you wake up. They are great to analyze later.

~ Make references to conversations you had with other people. You can chart friendships or relationships and it's great to see the first time you mentioned someone and your initial reactions.

~ Make sure you like the medium you're writing with and what you're writing on. I need a broad expanse of page and if my pen skips it annoys me to pieces.

Do you journal? What tips or guidelines do you follow?

New Beginnings and a New Direction

September has always marked the New Year for me.  Although the seasons were winding down the slow decline to winter, I was just gearing up for the new school year. New classes, new books, new clothes, new possibilities- each september promised a reinvention of myself. What more could you ask from a New Year?

Time and age have diminished the excitement of the beginning of the school year, as they do so many things, but this year I am faced with- what I am trying desperately to see as- a chance at a total new beginning. What better time to have it than now in September?

While this blog has discussed my personal experiences as I try to apply my aesthetic of Neo-Aristocracy to my life, there has been a level of abstraction. I've presented situations and scenarios that, while personal, have already been thought through until that nugget of knowledge or inspiration could be found. However, I'm going to need this blog for something more personal.

Two weeks ago, my fiance, The Law Student, cheated on and then broke up with me. It would have been five years this month.

We had met the first year of undergrad and spent four of our most formative- or so I thought- years in uncanny harmony. That time culminated in 6 weeks spent travelling Europe with no love lost despite the continual presence. It was in Europe that we agreed to be married after school. But Gradschool pulled us to opposite ends of the country. I went up North for Acupuncture; he went south for law school.  I now have some very strong thoughts about long distant relationships.

Then this summer, he met someone. What started as a dismissible crush turned into all night conversations and declarations of mutual love, before he told me everything that happened. I wanted to rebuild our relationship; he wanted a polyamorous one among other things. After a weeks discussion and reflection, he finally made a decision and broke up with me.

There is a lot to process about this break up. A lot of the details were very ugly and poorly handled- especially on his part. It has raised so many more questions about the nature of relationships and difficult situations and given me a few revelations about life. So much of what I thought I knew about how the world and the human mind worked is gone.

As I'll probably explain later, having this blog has helped me in so many ways than I thought possible- but also as an avenue for self-exploration. Journaling is essential and important, but sometimes the extra push of knowing others will be reading your thoughts is needed.

Some degree of distance is essential for a blog- after all, my readers- though dear- are not family or friends and a blog is public for all. So there will be no furious rants or heartfelt sobs. Yet, this is too important a change to not mention.

How will this blog change? I can't say for certain. I'll analyze certain parts of this experience and try to draw greater lessons from them. I'll certainly be putting some more thoughts about romance, relationships, and love. A lot of reflection about what I now want from my life. I'd love to hear your thoughts on them too. But I'll still want to discuss clothing, aesthetics, food and the principles of Neo-Aristocracy, but there will be this more personal tinge as well.

It has been a very busy and life changing August and this next year will offer many opportunities for growth and change. What changes will you be going through?