May 1, 2013

A Confession...

Wearing alternative fashion is scary.

The Goths, Steampunkers, and Lolitas, who go out dressed to the nines in their chosen aesthetic, are incredibly courageous. I've always acknowledged this case, but it never really struck me how brave these people are until last Thursday.

Last Thursday, I finished my Victorian Walking Skirt. Despite the small details to adjust, I was excited to go out for a long promenade  After all, what use is having a walking skirt if you do not go for walks? I would take my newly acquired parasol, a pair of gloves, and Ivan Turgenev's "On the Eve" on a quest to find a quiet place by the river to read. Then, afterwards, I would head off to the mall to search for a new phone chord as mine had broke.  Idyllic, no?

However, I couldn't do it.

My normal outfits are hardly typical, yet never exceed the bounds of eccentricy. My parasol, my gloves, a frilly lolita blouse, gothic lace up boots- yes, each of these had been featured in a daily outfit on their own. But to wear them together and take that step into the truly daring- with a floor length skirt no less? No. I couldn't bring myself to step outside my room.

Instead, my head was filled with images of the amused, contemptuous expressions everyone would have as they saw me striding down the street. Or worse, pretending to walk by having seen nothing at all.  I've read the blog posts of suggestions for dealing with unwanted attention or comments. I know that the best way is to keep your head high, remain polite and courteous and ignore them in turn.

And yet, I couldn't do it.

It is strange running into one of your limitations headfirst. It's taken me nearly a week to fully realize the fear. I want to say now to everyone who dresses up in fanciful clothing with elaborate makeup and extraordinary accessories:

You are brave. Braver than you realize. Take pride in your courage.

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